My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
