I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
