he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
