I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
