Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize