he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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