Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
