Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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