My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
