Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
