Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize