the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
