From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
