Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need a burrito and a hug.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
