i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize