Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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