I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
