I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
