you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
