There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
