I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize