What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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