Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
