I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize