Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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