He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
