I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
