A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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