can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
