god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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