I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
