Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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