I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
