Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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