Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the day after is always just damage control
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Randomize
