I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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