i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
