im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
