fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
