Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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