I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
