she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
