can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
