i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize