dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
