i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
