I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize