who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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