Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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