i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think my mom watched the whole time
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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