Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
