at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
