i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
