I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize