im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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