It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
