After last night, I could never be a politician.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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