Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
