he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
