You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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