so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
