Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
