Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
