Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize