Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
