Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
