woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
