Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize