he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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