remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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