I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
