At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
