My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
