Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
