I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
