Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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