im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
