I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
