i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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