Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
