i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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