My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
